It costs nothing to be respectful of someone else. In fact, I might so far as to say that it costs negative to actually be NICE to someone.

If you find yourself walking down the hall toward someone you know, and you don’t acknowledge that person, you are being really rude. Forget once, and you can be forgiven. Forget twice and someone might get the wrong idea. Forget three times, and you might just as well assume you have no more relationship with that person.

Earning someone’s respect is not about establishing dominance and maintaining it. It is about recognizing another person’s effort. Or, maybe even their existence. It is saying hello. It is saying thank you. It is acknowledging that you have someone’s attention for an insignificant amount of time. Unless you acknowledge their humanity and reciprocate their nicety.

When I was a grad student at Iowa State, I was asked to take some memory photos for a faculty member (Barbara Forker (1920-2010)) who was retiring. She was quite a prominent person on campus, and they named a building after her. While she was still alive. Pretty amazing. At the reception, I was walking with my camera and saw the namesake (Virgil Lagomarcino (1921-2009)) of the building where I worked. Also amazing. Two living building namesakes in the same reception. He was engaged in a conversation with a few folks and I wanted to make sure it was OK to get his picture BEFORE I took it. You know, sometimes people don’t like having their picture taken…

Anyway, I waited for a lull in the conversation, and when it came, I tapped him on the shoulder (I was standing slightly behind his right shoulder). He turned around, and without missing a beat, flashing his eyes, or hesitating said “How are you?” THAT blew my mind. There is NO WAY he knew me. I was being kinda forward tapping him on the shoulder, and he said “How are you?” and not “What do you want?” I felt like he knew me. Like he was happy to see me. Like he WANTED me to tap him on the shoulder. Why did you wait so long? Quite an impression. A half of a second built a memory that has lasted 17 years so far.

The other anecdote I can share is one from another dean of the College of Education at Iowa State. At the time I finished my doctoral work and moved to Towson, the College of Education was in a pitched battle for its very survival. In fact, the College of Education is no longer a separate thing. it was merged with teh College of Family and Consumer Sciences to create the College of Human Sciences. And this dean left Iowa State not too long after I left to become a dean in the state of California. Anyway, he used to walk the halls and just strike up conversations with people; faculty, staff, students, visitors. He treated them all as visitors in his home. So gracious.

So, yeah. I want to be able to be respect and gracious to EVERYONE. ALL THE TIME. There is no reason not to be.

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